


Connections

by Lisa Martin (LisaM)



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-03
Updated: 2020-08-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:33:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25695079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LisaM/pseuds/Lisa%20Martin
Relationships: Rupert Giles/Xander Harris
Kudos: 8





	1. Giles

I envy you two. This may sound curious coming from me and I'm sure you will have  
a suitable answer to it. I can almost hear it, 'wanna take my place?' or  
something to that extent. I'm not so good in witty comebacks, although I'm  
learning. From you, yes I admit it.

Back to the envying. Today I noticed that you two are completely in sync, frighteningly so. Most of the time there is no need for words, a mere look will do the job and sometimes not even eye contact is made. A parapsycholigist would have a field day. 

I guess it comes from knowing each other all your lives, I can see no other explanation. There probably is one, but nothing springs to mind at this stage. 

It's funny, but it was a triviality that made me see this. Tonight during, as Willow calls it, a research party, we ordered pizzas. Again. When they arrived I saw you both grabbing a piece from a different one, eating half of it, then handing the remaining piece to the other. Without looking! It was such a natural movement, like you had done it hundreds of times before. With the drinks it went the same way. Afraid that some of that hideous stuff would spill on the books, I wanted to grab the cans, but the change over went smoothly. Neither of you looked up from the book you were reading. To say I was baffled would be an understatement. 

I got some curious looks this evening, probably because I was staring. Buffy even made a remark about it, but for the life of me I can't remember what it was. 

Yes, I do envy you. The connection you have cannot be destroyed; it took a serious blow some time ago, but something that ingrained can't be wiped out. Not even the fiercest demon can accomplish that fact.

With the envy comes something that is far more devastating, jealousy. A little green demon that no Slayer can destroy, a demon that lives inside of everyone. I have fallen victim to it on occasion, but never quite like this. I wanted to tear you two away from each other, break that bond with my bare hands. Why? 

Because I want that bond with you. That complete trust you have in each other, the love that is obviously still there. Not the love you shared for a brief moment, but something much deeper, something forged by a lifetime of experiences. I don't have that with you, only two short years I've known you. In those years you irritated me, angered me, made me smile and crept under my skin like no one ever has. 

I want to wrap you up in cotton, protect you from all the dark things that are lurking in this town, but the last time I tried that you weren't too pleased with it. You'd rather get yourself killed then stand on the sideline. Now I try to do it less obvious, and I'm thankful you haven't caught up with that yet. 

Wherever this might lead, I'm not sure. I know where I want it to lead, but I have to tread carefully. Patience is a virtue I have and right now it's something I'm grateful for. 

You're looking up from your book right at me. Have you felt my stare? 


	2. Willow

I still feel uncomfortable when I'm around you. Oh, I know we made our peace, but that doesn't mean I can simply forget what happened. 

You are such a part of my life, such an important part. You've been here all my life, defending me against the bullies at school, even though they were just as bad to you. When I started to discover that boys could be more than just playmates, it was only natural I turned to you again. You never noticed, or, looking back at the events of the last few weeks, pretended not to. It's funny, but despite that lack of certain interest, I never could get myself to dislike you. As I said before, you're a part of my life, a part of me. 

That's why I can't understand that you don't notice what is going on; that there are eyes following your every move. Have you buried yourself so deep behind those walls you put around you that you are blind to it? Or do you see it, but are trying to ignore it? If it's the latter, you're doing a wonderful job. 

I have to admit, that when I first noticed it, I was a little freaked. And angry. The kind of anger that screams, 'don't you dare!', but after thinking about it it might not be such a bad thing.Not 'bad, bad' anyway. 

Society frowns on it and I know some people in this very room that will too. Not me. Who am I to talk, my boyfriend is a werewolf. Looking at it from that perspective, you could do worse, but I doubt if you could do better. After all the disasters your love life has brought you, you deserve someone like that. Someone who looks beyond that joker mask, at least tries to find the real you there. 

Pretending to read, I studied the looks tonight. The complete confusion when we threw our 'switching act' made me bite the inside of my cheek. It was all I could do not to laugh. Okay, I admit it, I set it up. One of those things I've been doing lately to draw you out of that fortress you hide in. It breaks my heart to see you like this, all withdrawn and quiet. They lay all the blame on you and that simply isn't fair. I am as much to blame as you, maybe even more. Talking to them didn't help, so now I do it this way. Screw them! Um..I don't mean that literally. 

Look up, you moron! Notice! See what is hiding behind that oh so casual gaze and grab it. Ah, that's more like it. Seems my work is done. Now, where was I?

<


	3. Xander

Another  
night in the library, another research party, eating pizza and drinking luke  
warm coke. There were times when I liked it, now it only makes me edgy. The  
silence that falls when I enter scrapes over my nerves, making them bleed over  
and over again. I have only myself to blame, so I shouldn't complain. The loser  
strikes again.

Tonight I'm downright jittery. I don't know what Will is trying to pull, but that 'old friend' routine isn't what I need right now. We can't just go back the way we were, too much has happened. Yet, she's is trying to do just that. Is she that blind? No, she isn't, not my Will. She has a reason for doing this, although for the life of me I can't figure out what. 

And then there are the stares. Not the accusing ones, I'm getting used to those, but the long looks my way, inquiring, intense. It's the source of those looks that really jangles my nerves, making my hormones go haywire. Yes, you affect me, although I'm trying very hard to hide it. 

I crawl behind the walls and take an occasional peek, feeling vaguely ashamed. I just had a bad break up with my girlfriend and I'm already looking at someone else. The word rebound comes to mind. No. Wrong word. You're not and never will be. Yet why I am suddenly seeing you? Has Cordelia been blocking my sight so much? I wouldn't put it past her. That's mean and I know it. But still, when you're dating someone you don't look at someone else. Yeah right, I took _that_ advice! 

I know, I never saw you because I never saw you in that way. That's it. Bad grammar, but that's the reason. Then why now?I don't have the slightest idea, but to hell with reasons. I'll just throw them on the floor, let the Hellmouth swallow them. 

Another look. I can't see it, but I feel it. Not some creepy feeling that makes your teeth rattle, no this is nice, like sinking into a hot bad when you're tired. And that brought up an image I would rather not have in a crowded library thank you very much. 

My ear is itching, Will is watching me. Go 'way! Isn't there some disappearing spell or something? If there is, I want it now. Good, ear stops itching. 

The other feeling stays. It's so nice to wallow in it, feels so warm and light. I wish it would stay forever. 

My head comes up and I feel a smile touching my face, the first real smile in a long time. You meet my eyes and smile back. I'm in the light.

And why is Will smirking?


	4. Questions Answered

It  
was already late at night when the gang broke up. Research had proven its value  
again; they were ready to take on the demon they were facing. 

Cordelia stood, stretched and let out a long, suffering sigh. "If we're going to be here every night, at least we could find some comfortable chairs," she complained. 

"Bring your bed the next time," Xander shot back.

"You'd wish!" the brunette snapped. Turning, she grabbed her bookbag and strode out of the library. 

"Round one for me!" Xander grinned widely. "At last." He looked at the faces that were staring at him. "What?"

"I hate to say this...no I don't...but I like it that the situation between you two is back to normal," Buffy said, stumbling over her words. 

"Buffy!" Willow admonished her.

The blond shrugged. "I never said I liked them playing boyfriend and girlfriend. No offence, Xand, but she is so not right for you."

"Non taken," Xander said with a dismissive gesture. It fooled Buffy, but not Willow. She saw the pain behind it. In all honesty, she agreed with Buffy, but she would never tell Xander. 

"Come on," she stated, grabbing Buffy by her arm. "Bedtime."

"Yeah, we'd better go. Giles?" Buffy turned to the former Watcher. "Need me to patrol tonight?"

"I think you've done enough for tonight."

""I disagree with you. I think she should patrol."

Buffy stared for a moment, then sighed deeply. "Giles, it's about time you gave me a licence to kill humans as well." 

"Buffy!" 

"You know what I mean. He annoys me more than a whole army of vampires." With that she shot the darkest look she could come up with to her official Watcher, who had the decency to flinch.Grinning over her victory, Buffy walked out of the library. "Bye guys!"

Willow shot one desperate look at Giles, then decided leaving would be the wisest thing to do and followed Buffy out of the door. 

"She is getting out of control." Wesley was thoroughly irritated.

"She is perfectly in control and, at the moment, rather tired. She should rest." For Giles the conversation was over. He began to gather the books that were on the large table. 

"Yes but.."

"Shut up!" Two pair of eyes went to the source of the outcry. For once, Xander didn't cringe. "You heard what he said, "a wave at Giles. "she's tired. He knows her better than you, so shut the hell up!"

"I don't have to take this!" Wesley nearly choked on his words. 

"Yes, you do," Giles replied calmly. "And I would suggest you'd leave too."

The Watcher turned red then paled. It the end he didn't know what to say, gathered his books and left. 

"Oh my God," Xander nearly fell of his chair laughing. "You told him good!"

A small smile crossed Giles features. "I'd say you told him good."

"Yeah I did, didn't I?" Xander grinned, his voice holding a hint of triumph. "I almost felt sorry for him."

"He still has a lot to learn."

"Yeah maybe," Xander shrugged. He jumped up from his chair and began to clean up the remnants of the pizza and the empty soda cans. 

"Shouldn't you be heading home too?" Giles asked.

"And leave you with the mess? Nah." Giles knew better than to argue. He followed the boy with his eyes, seeing him toss the cans in the trash can one by one, letting out a cheer every time one landed in the trash rather than on the floor. He bit his tongue to prevent the admonishment from coming out. This time he would let Xander have his fun. 

"Hey Giles, could you get one of those tiny basketball nets?"

"Pardon?"

"So I could throw those cans through it," Xander explained. "I have one at home." Seeing the older man's glare, he grinned and mimicked, "Xander this is a library, not a play field."

Giles couldn't help but laugh. "I wouldn't say that," he protested weakly.

"Yes, you would." The statement was accompanied by a brilliant smile. It took all Giles had not to groan, not only because the boy had hit the nail on the head, but even more so because the smile did outrageous things to his insides. 

"You seem in a good mood tonight," he stated, as casually as he could manage. 

"Hey, I scored points against Cordelia and Wesley. My night is good." Another can landed in the trash. 

"So, you're feeling better?"

The question had an unexpected effect. Xander's hand halted mid move, his arm falling to his side. His whole posture changed, from confident and cheerful to one of utter despair. "A little," he whispered.

Giles moved as close to him as he could, still leaving a foot or two between them. He would've loved to get closer, but he didn't trust himself to do so. "You both made a mistake, Xander. You're young, you'll...."

"Get over it??" 

Giles flinched, feeling like he had been hit in the stomach. "I wasn't going to say that. But you will though." Ignoring the glare Xander shot over his shoulder, he went on, "It takes time. Take that time, let the wounds heal and don't pay attention to what others say. It's your life." Inside a voice called to him, 'Are you nuts? You'll let him slip away!', but he pushed it aside. 

"That's the first sensible thing I heard ever since..." Xander's voice trailed off. "Apart from Buffy's statement."

"She was out of line."

"No, she wasn't. She was honest and I'd rather have honesty then those pitying looks. In fact, what she said made me feel better, not much, but it did."

Giles understood. Xander was the kind of person who would take honesty over pity, no matter how hurtful the truth would be. If he was really honest with himself he had to admit that Buffy was right, he had never understood what Xander saw in Cordelia. "You're brave," he said softly, daring to inch a little closer. "Others would wallow in pity."

A shrug followed. "Maybe I like being punished."

That hit hard. "You don't mean that." No answer came. Closing the distance between them, Giles took the soda can out of Xander's hand and placed it on the table, then laid his hands on the boy's shoulders. "You don't mean that," he repeated, softer. "You made a mistake and you take the consequences, that's all you can do. I think they should leave you alone now, you've been punished enough."

A moment of utter silence followed, then Xander twisted around and buried himself in Giles' arms. The action was unexpected, but not unwelcome. Gently rubbing the boy's back, Giles marvelled in the sensation of having that warm body against him. He should feel ashamed about that, but he didn't, it simply felt too good. Something nagged at the back of his mind, something he had been keeping in for a long time. 

"I have a confession to make," he said. Xander's head came up, eyes filled with confusion. "I saw you two up there in the stacks."

It took but a split second for Xander to realise what was meant. "Why didn't you say something?" he asked in a low voice. Giles felt rather than heard the accusation.

"At that moment I felt it was not my place to interfere. I wish I had." Guilt coloured his voice, it was something he had been carrying with him since the moment it happened.

A wealth of emotions crossed Xander's face, then he shrugged. "I doubt if it would've made any difference. Oh, we would've been able to keep our hands of each other for a while, but it wouldn't have stopped Spike from kidnapping us. We were both scared, certain we were going to die. I just wanted her to know I loved..I love her."

"I know you do," Giles smiled, realising that he, and the whole gang for that matter, had completely missed out on one thing: the fact that Willow and Xander knew it had been wrong. 

"How can I not?" Xander continued, somewhat more certain. "She has always been my best friend, even when I screwed up completely. It just took me a long time to realise it."

"There is nothing wrong with loving someone and I think everyone knows you love her. They have always known." Giles smiled softly. "It was just bad timing."

Laying his head back on Giles' shoulder, Xander mumbled, "I think I can live with that."

Encouraged, Giles dared to say something else that was on his mind. "They all care for you, love you."

"Yeah right!" was the muttered response. 

"Okay, maybe not Cordelia at the moment," Giles chuckled. 

"You got that right. She is waiting for the right time to tear my guts out." There was a hint of laughter in Xander's voice.

"I'd say she's been trying to do that ever since."

"Don't I know it!"

Giles couldn't come up with a suitable answer. He had witnessed some of Cordelia's 'tear in at Xander' sessions and it had made him sick to his stomach. She had a right to be angry, but in true Cordelia style had gone way over the top. A part of him had cheered at Xander's little victory that night. Deciding that actions spoke louder than words, he reached up with one hand and softly stroked the dark hair. 

"It's not I'm not used to her bitching, it just never was so...so personal," Xander said, sounding a little breathless. 

"She's taking it too far, Xander, she's annoying everyone at the moment."

"Ya know," Xander removed his head from Giles' shoulder again, looking him straight in the eye. "That's the best news I've heard in a long time."

Giles allowed himself a small smile. His gaze was caught by Xander's eyes; they were looking even darker than usual. His hand was still on the back of Xander's head and it would take only a slight nudge...he gasped the second his lips were covered by a soft, moist warmth. Immediately it was removed and at the same time he felt the warmth leave his arms too. Bereft, he let his arms fall to his side, shivering at the sudden cold.

"I'm off," Xander announced, a little tremor in his voice. "See you tomorrow."

"Yes." It came out as a squeak. "Tomorrow."

Xander picked up his bag and walked away. Just before he pushed the door open, he stopped and looked over his shoulder. "Thank you," he said softly and was gone. 

For a long time Giles stood at the same spot, watching the door. 

The next day came and went, the hours until sundown passing agonisingly slowly for the former Watcher. In the morning he could keep himself busy with tidying up the library, but the afternoon was a torture. A sigh of relief escaped him when he finally heard the door open and a voice called out, "Hey Giles!" 

"Willow," he greeted the redhead. 'Where's Buffy?"

"She's on her way, had to fetch something from home. Some spare clothes," Willow elaborated when she caught the questioning stare. "You said this could be messy."

"I didn't mean that literally. Oh well," he sighed and rubbed a hand over his face, "it's early still."

"Hi." Oz entered, looking around the library like it was the first time he ever saw it. Giles smiled at him, he was glad the young werewolf was back. After the disaster with Willow and Xander he had been avoiding the gang, only coming in three nights a month. 

"Oz!" Willow called out. "You're gonna help too?"

"Thought I might."

Giles quickly filled him in on that night's mission. He saw Oz' eyebrows rise occasionally, but not a word was said until he had finished his briefing. "Okay," was the only comment, then he joined his girlfriend in gathering the weapons they needed. 

Buffy stormed in a minute later, her face a mask of disgust. "Giles, I am **not** taking that guy on this mission!" she stated, waving at Wesley who entered the library behind her. "This is gonna be a tough fight as it is and I don't want any idiots lurking around."

Giles had anticipated this and had worked out a plan. "Wesley?" he called. 

"Yes, Mr Giles." The Watcher closed the distance in a few steps and looked at Giles with an expectant expression on his face.

"I need you to stay here." Waving his hand to stop the protest, he continued, "We need someone here to guard the place. I usually do this, but since we probably need to use some magic I'd better go with them this time." From the corner of his eye he saw Willow smothering her laugh against Oz' shoulder. 

"Well, since you state it that way, I will stay here," Wesley said. "I must say this is a very well thought out plan."

"We had time to prepare,' Giles stated dryly. Buffy fled the room and hid in the little office. Giles followed her, leaving Wesley 'in charge'.

"Oh, you are so mean!" Buffy giggled when he entered the office. "The point is how many times will he fall for that trick?"

"As many times as possible," Giles stated grimly. He glanced at his watch. "We'd better go. Where's Xander?"

"Reporting for duty." Xander sauntered into the office. "We're not taking him with us, are we?"

"Giles has taken care of that little problem, " Buffy stated with a grin. "I'll tell you on the way." She took Xander's sleeve and dragged him into the library. Two minutes later Giles heard Xander laughing loudly. 

Four hours later, the group entered the library again. It had been a successful mission, the demon defeated and Sunnydale yet again spared a bad fate. 

Wesley jumped up from his chair the moment he saw them enter. "Were you able to defeat the demon?" he asked.

"If you mean did we kill the bastard, then the answer is yes," Buffy replied. 

"Anything happened here?" Giles asked.

"No, it's been very quiet all evening," Wesley replied, the frown telling Giles that this was probably the first and last time Wesley would buy his story. 

"Good," Giles nodded. Looking at the group, a proud smile came to his face. They had fought hard and worked well together. The smile became a grin as he took in Xander's appearance. The teen had been in the wrong place when Buffy finally managed to kill the demon and he had gotten sprayed with a sticky green substance. 

"I stink," he said cheerfully as he caught Giles' look. "Ah well, beats being pummelled." Taking his backpack he headed for the door. "I'm gonna hit the shower."

"I think I'm with you," Buffy stated, blushing bright red as she realised what she'd just said. "At home!" She took off before any further comments could be made. 

"Should we stay and see how that turns out?" Oz asked with a small smile.

"Oz!" Willow squeaked. "Bad!"

Grinning Oz let himself be dragged out by his girlfriend. Giles shook his head and turned to Wesley. "I guess you can leave as well. I'll stay for a while, write my report."

Wesley simply nodded and left. Giles let out a relieved sigh. Writing a report was not on his mind, he just wanted some time alone. After a fight, he simply needed to unwind for a while. Dragging his tired body in his office, he put on the kettle. Tea would calm his senses. 

He had barely settled down with a mug of tea in his hands when he heard the doors open. He cursed under his breath; if this was Wesley he would knock him out. 

"Hey." It was Xander. 

"Xander," Giles said, settling back in his chair. "I thought you'd gone home."

"I showered here. Tea smells good."

With a rise of eyebrows Giles asked, "I though you didn't like tea?"

"Never said that. Okay, I did." Xander walked to the desk, took a mug and poured himself a cup of tea. 

"One of your jokes again?" Giles inquired.

"Yeah." It was said with a grin. "Since they had little effect on you, I have made Wesley my target."

"The poor man," Giles said with feeling. 

Xander merely grinned and pulled up a chair, curling himself in it. The sight took Giles' breath away. His hair still damp from the shower, eyes bright and a contented smile on his face Xander was a sight to behold. "We did good, didn't we?" the teen asked.

"Yes, you did," Giles answered. "Very good." 

Silence ruled again. Giles realised that he liked this silence, it was comfortable. The realisation was immediately followed by a thought that made him grin. 

"Care to share the joke?" Xander inquired. 

"I was just thinking that I liked this silence and then it occurred to me that having you silent is indeed a pleasure."

"I don't know if I should be offended or pleased with that remark," Xander said, trying his best to look the first. 

"I don't know either." It was the truth. Giles didn't know whether he had meant it as a compliment or an offence, it had just been a thought. 

"You think I talk too much?" 

Giles knew he had worked himself into trouble. He quickly gathered his thoughts and shook his head slowly. "Yes, and no. You talk a lot, but it seems to me that you don't say much."

"Geez thanks!" Now Xander was truly offended.

"What I mean is, it's so difficult to find your real intentions underneath all the...the..."

"Just say it 'junk' that comes out of my mouth." 

"I wouldn't quite put it like that, but yes that is basically what I mean." Giles felt annoyance surfacing, he didn't want to have this conversation, he was far too tired for it. To his surprise Xander let the matter rest and lapsed back into silence. After a few minutes Giles began to feel ashamed. The boy obviously needed to talk about this. "Xander, I didn't mean.."

"It's okay. You gave me something to think about. Not for the first time." 

"I make you think?" Realising how that might be interpreted Giles added, "Not that you aren't able to think.."

"I understand what you mean," Xander said with a grin. "And yes, you do." He stood and crossed the room, kneeling down at Giles' feet. "You made me think about my life and more importantly how to make it better.Having you here makes it better." It was said with such conviction that it had Giles reeling for a second. Remembering the thoughts he had had about this boy brought him back to reality. 

"Xander, I.." A finger on his mouth stopped him.

"You snipe at me, you are annoyed by me, but you take me as me. That's all that matters to me. And that were a lot of me's." An apologetic grin followed the last remark. "Sorry, that just came out."

Giles took Xander's hand and removed it from his mouth, but didn't let it go. He was at a loss for words, not knowing how to react to this confession. Pure joy and sadness mingled, joy for the fact that he was important in Xander's life and sadness because he was clearly one of the few people who was. "I don't know what to say," he finally managed to get out.

"Accept it," Xander said softly. "What you did yesterday, or what you let me do, was something I have never experienced in my life. Just to crawl into someone's arms and forget there's a big bad world out there."

"No one ever..." Giles had trouble believing what he heard.

"No." 

Giles drew in a deep breath ad let it out slowly. Gathering all his courage he rose from his chair, taking Xander with him. "Then come here," he whispered. 

Xander needed no further prompting and let himself be enveloped in an embrace. The utterly contented, "hmmmm.." had Giles smiling. It took so little to make Xander happy, he thought. The next moment he had to take that thought back when his mouth was captured in a kiss. Momentarily startled, he froze, but Xander didn't seem to notice, deepening the kiss. Giles heard a low groan coming from his own throat, his body was deciding for him and it was time that his mind caught up with it. Pulling the teen closer, he kissed back; throwing everything he had in that one kiss. Xander was gasping for breath when they parted, eyes glazing over, pupils dilated. Giles wasn't in a much different state, panting and barely managing to keep standing. 

"Hey Giles, you still here?"

"Damn!" Giles couldn't help the curse from rolling out. 

"It's Willow," Xander rasped. He took a step back, gripping the edge of the desk to keep himself upright. 

"I'd better see what she wants." Giles' voice held a grim note. Raking his hand through his hair he stepped out of the office. "Willow?"

"Oh, hi! I forgot something." Willow held up her laptop. "Gone now."

"You are not walking home by yourself, are you?" Giles asked.

"No, Oz is waiting outside. Bye!" Giles went back into the office; glad the interruption had been brief. He was hit by a thunderbolt when he heard Willow's voice ring out, "Bye Xander!"

Xander cringed. "Ouch."

"How did she.." Giles stammered. 

"Why did she come back?" Xander asked, his voice wavering. 

"She forgot her computer."

A wide grin split Xander's face. "The little witch!" Grinning, he walked up to Giles, slid his arms around the older man's waist and smiled up at him. "She didn't bring her laptop."

Ten seconds later, the penny dropped. "You think she knows?"

"I think we've been set up."

"Witch, indeed," Giles grumbled, unable to keep the amusement from his voice. He reached up his hands and cupped Xander's face. "Do you mind?"

"Being set up? Yes. This?" He tightened his hold on Giles. "No."

"Good," Giles breathed and closed in for another kiss. This time there was no hesitation, the kiss spiralling out of control rapidly. Within seconds Xander found himself backed up against the wall, a hot body plastered against him. They kissed for a long time, only parting to take a much-needed breath. Xander moaned loudly as his neck was attacked. 

"Ghods..."

Giles looked up and grinned. Xander was plastered against the wall, his head thrown back, eyes closed. "Like that, huh?" 

"Oh yes..never thought...feels so good." Something in the broken sentences made Giles still. He forced himself to calm down. 

"Xander?"

"Yeah." Xander's eyes opened, staring at Giles, a bewildered look in his eyes.

"You never?"

It took some moments for that question to register in Xander's mind, then he shook his head. "No."

"At all?"

"No."

Giles sighed and drew back, secretly pleased by Xander's whimper of protest. "Not here, not like this." He took the teen's hand and tugged at it. "Come on."

"What?" Xander seemed to have surfaced from his daze. "You expect me to walk like this?"

Gathering him in arms again, Giles nodded. "Yes. This is your first time, it has to be special and I don't want to do it here. And about being able to walk.." He grinded his hips against Xander's, eliciting a low moan from the teen. "I'm in a similar state."

"Where?" Xander choked out.

"My place."

"Bed, sounds good, car ride, sounds not so good," Xander rambled as he was being dragged out of the library. Giles kept silent, not trusting himself to say anything and needing all his willpower not to come back on his decision and ravish the boy right on the spot. 

The walk to the car was torture for both of them, Giles letting out a ragged breath when he was finally seated behind the steering wheel. The cool night air had cleared his lust filled mind a little, enough to at least get to his house safely. Looking sideways at Xander, he was startled to see him backed to the car door, keeping as much distance between them as was possible. "What are you doing?"

"Keeping as far away from you as I can. One touch and 'boom', explosion."

Starting the car, Giles grinned, feeling very pleased. If a couple of kisses could do this to the boy, he wondered what would happen if he truly got his way. The fantasies about that kept him busy all the way to his house and it was a minor miracle they got there in one piece. 

Xander fidgeted behind him as he fumbled for his keys, dropping them twice before he was finally able to open the door. He was barely one step inside, when Xander brushed past him, kicked the door closed and backed him up against it. The kiss nearly sucked out his lungs.

"Xan, please," he gasped, wrenching his mouth free. "Upstairs."

Reluctantly Xander drew back, but refused to let go of the older man. It was a bit of a problem to climb the stairs that way, Giles had the feeling he was carrying Xander, but finally they made it to the bedroom. 

Their first kiss there was gentle and loving, Giles holding back as much as he could. It was clear that Xander was nervous now that he was faced with the reality of it all. 

"Xander," he whispered. "We don't have to.."

"I want to," Xander said stubbornly. "Yeah, nervous, no, stopping."

"Then lie down."

Xander did as he was told, following Giles' every move as he knelt beside him on the bed. Slowly, gently, Giles began to remove Xander's T-shirt. A kiss, which was answered with interest. He moved lower, taking off shoes and socks, then back for another kiss. He felt Xander relax and tense up again as he trailed his hands over his ribs. A quick kiss and he sat up to quickly get rid of his own clothes, keeping his pants on. They both moaned as their now naked torsos were pressed together. 

"More," Xander panted, arching up. 

Giles' hands were shaking as he unbuttoned the jeans and slid them off, then broke out in a grin. "No underwear?"

"Forgot to bring it." There was need in the teen's voice, need and impatience. It woke the demon in Giles. An almost predatory glint came in his eyes as he swiftly removed his own pants and slid slowly over Xander's body. A long drawn out moan was his reward. 

"This what you want?" he rasped, thrusting down. 

"Yes!"

Another thrust, another loud outcry from Xander, who bucked up, desperate for more contact. Giles set up a rhythm, starting slow, then speeding up. Xander's arms were around him, his nails digging into his back. The pain that caused only spurred him on, starts shooting behind his closed eyes. Then Xander stilled in his arms and uttered a low groan. Something hot and sticky spurted against his stomach, the feeling enough to make him fall over the edge as well. 

There were a lot of stars, Giles thought. They looked very nice but what were doing in his room? Stars should be outside. He tried to lift his arm to wipe them away, but it responded sluggishly. Okay, was his next thought, now what? 'Open your eyes' a voice inside his head said. Deciding that was a good idea, Giles opened his eyes. He was staring at the lamp on his night stand, wondering when he had switched that on. A second later, the realisation came. 

"Xander!" 

"Hmmm..yeah?" was the mumbled reply. "Is it me or are there stars in your bedroom?"

"It's you," Giles smiled. Turning to his side, he faced the teen. Xander was lying on his back, gazing at the ceiling. 

"That was...incredible is an understatement."

Giles reached out and turned Xander's face towards him. "It was wonderful," he whispered.

"Understatement too." Xander leaned in and kissed the older man briefly, then cracked a huge yawn. "Sorry."

Giles smiled and took him in his arms. "Sleep now, love." 

"Yeah.." Within minutes Xander was asleep. 

Giles turned off the light and settled in to sleep as well. It took him longer than Xander, his mind was simply too full of thoughts. Finally, when the grey light of morning was already colouring the sky he fell asleep.


End file.
